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Who's this BLOG about? What a good question.

After many years in the Royal Air Force and a posting to RAF Coltishall Wally also created the Solarscope mobile disco's with gigs as far as Manchester. He was resident DJ at Scamps Nightclub in Norwich during the 70's and had a show on Hospital Radio Norwich.
Wally joined BBC Radio Norfolk when it began broadcasting on September 11th 1980 and has been there ever since.
He's Patron of the East Coast Truckers Childrens Charity and President of the Potter Heigham Country Fayre Fundraisers.
He rides a 1966 Lambretta 125 Special and spends a lot of time cruising on the Norfolk Broads.
He's an Ambassador for the Wherry Albion of the Norfolk Wherry Trust, a Friend of Hardley Windpump and a volunteer litter picker for his home community and a videographer for the East Anglian Air Ambulance.
Apart from serving in the Royal Air Force he's also a founder member of the East Norfolk Militia from which he's now retired and served four years as a Governor of Thorpe St.Andrew High School.
This Blog will keep you up to date on all these activities or you can go to his sister Blog to concentrate on the Norfolk Broads. All views and opinions that may be expressed are those of the author and not of the BBC.

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Sunday, February 12, 2012

All the latests gags - thanks for sending them in.

I've lost count of the number of times this one's been sent in just lately!

The Government has issued a warning to anyone travelling in the icy conditions. You should take a shovel, blankets or sleeping bag, extra clothing including a scarf, hat and gloves, 24hrs supply of food, 5kg of rock salt, torch with spare batteries, road flares and reflective triangles, tow rope, 5 gallon petrol/diesel can, a first aid kit and jump leads.
I looked a complete fool on the bus this morning!

A young woman of limited intelligence came home from work to find her young son sitting on the doorstep clutching his stomach and being looked after by a concerned neighbour.
"Oh thank heavens you're home" said the neighbour. "Your little boy has swallowed your door key."
"Oh that's alright," replied the young woman, "I'll climb in through the window."

As a bagpiper I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at the graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends so it was a paupers funeral in the backwoods.
As I wasn't familiar with the place I got lost but eventually happened across the place an hour late. The funeral director had already gone, the hears was nowhere to be seen and only the grave diggers were left eating their lunch.
I felt bad about it and apologised for being late. Looking down into the grave with the coffin already covered with a layer of earth, I decided to play. The workers put down their lunches and I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family or friends. As I played Amazing Grace the workers began to weep and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. With my head hung low my heart was full. As I opened the car door I heard one of the workers say, "I've never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order Chicken Surprise. The waiter brings the meal served in a dish fitted with a lid.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid on the dish rises slightly. Taken aback she see's two beady eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she cries to her husband. He hadn't seen what happened so she tells him to look for himself. As he reaches for the lid it again rises and he see's the eyes looking out from under it before the lid slams down shut again. He calls the waiter over and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken surprise."
"Ah! So sorry" says the waiter, "I bring you Peking Duck!"

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home downcast.
"That's it", he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight's so bad once I've hit the ball I can't see where it's gone."
His wife sympathises but thinks she has the solution. "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."
"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three but his eyesight's perfect." His wife offers.
So the very next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. Turning to his brother-in-law he asks,"Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" replies brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."
"Well where did it go." demands Arthur.
The brother-in-law throws his arms in the air. "I don't know - I don't remember!"

A lorry driver pulls up at the red lights and a girl from the car behind jumps out and runs up to the cab.
"Hi, my name's Sharon and I just want to tell you that you're losing your load."
The lights change and they both drive off. At the next set of red lights she does the same telling him "You're losing part of your load."
At the third red light she again runs up to the cab. He lowers the window and she again says "my name's Sharon and I'm telling you you're losing your load.
By the forth set of red lights the lorry driver is out of the cab straight away and before Sharon can get out of her car he says, "Hi, my name's Kevin and I'm gritting the road."

Three boys are argueing over whose dad is the most easily frightened. One boy says his dad runs down the stairs just because there's a spider in the bath and his mother had to sort it out.
The second boy says that's a load of rubbish. His dad went camping and ran out of the tent with no clothes on because he saw an earwig and his mother had to sort that out.
The third boy exclaims that his dad is more frightened than both the others.
"When my mum was in hospital last week my dad was so frightened of being alone that the neighbour had to come round and sleep with him."

My wife's been missing for a week now. The Police came round and said I was to prepare for the worst, so I've been to the charity shop and got her clothes back just in case.

I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said "I love you."
She said,"Is that you or the beer talking?" I replied, "It's me talking to the beer!"

God looked down on two naked statues, Adam and Eve who for the last 100 years had been staring lovingly at each other across a park footpath. God told them that as a reward for never complaining he would give them the gift of life for one hour and they could do whatever they wanted in that time. He would turn a blind eye no matter what it was. So it came to pass and 55 minutes later they're lying on the grass in each others arms giggling. Eve said to Adam "come on we still have 5 minutes left so let's do it again but this time in a different way."
"OK " says Adam "I'm worn out but I'll give it a go. How do you want to do it this time?"
Eve replies,"Well, this time YOU hold the pidgeon and I'LL poop on its head!"

A florist went to the barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked for the bill but the barber replied that he was doing community service and couldn't accept any money. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning there was a 'thank you' card and a bunch of red roses at his door.
Later that day a policeman comes into the shop and has a haircut. Again the barber explains that, as he's doing community service, he can't charge for the cut. The cop was happy as he left the shop and the next day when the barber arrives to open up there's a lovely 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts on the doorstep.
The nxt day an MP comes in for a haircut and the barber obliges explaining that he can't charge for the cut as he's doing comminity services. The MP thanks him for his haircut and leaves without having to pay. The next morning when the barber comes to open his shop there's a dozen MP's waiting on his doorstep!

The back door was open and an old dog strayed in, jumped on the couch, went into a deep sleep for an hour or so then walked out again. This happened every couple of days for a few weeks so one day I put a note on his collar telling the owner where he went and what he did. The next time the dog arrived there was another note attached to his collar. It read "He's my dog, we live in a house with six childre, three hysterical women and two grumpy old men - can I come with him next time?"

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon so he placed four worms each in a separate jar.
The first worm was placed into alcohol, the second into a jar full of cigarette smoke, the third worm in chocolate syrup and the fourth into good clean soil.
At the conclusion of his sermon the minister observed to the congragation that the worm in alcohol was dead! The second worm in the cigarette smoke was DEAD! The third worm in chocolate syrup was DEAD! But the forth worm in good clean soil was still ALIVE!
"So," exclaimed the minister to the congregation. "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine, sitting at the back of the church stood up and in a loud voice exclaimed "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate you WON'T get worms!"

A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. The first job is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he's clearing them a huge fish jumps out of the water and bites his nose. The man beats off the fish and crushes it with his spade. Wanting to hide the evidence he throws the dead fish to the lions.
The second job is to clean out the chimp house. The chimps start to pelt him with cocnuts and lashing out with his spade he kills two of them. Again he has to dispose of the corpses so he throws them into the lion enclosure.
Moving on to the last job he has to collect the honet from the South American bee hives. As soon as he approaches he's attacked by the swarming bees and he thrashes about with his spade until every last one is dead. Sraping up the remains he flings them into the lion enclosure because lions will eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders into the lion enclosure and asks one of the resident lions "What's the food like here?"
The lion looks up at him and says, "Absolutely brilliant. Today we've had fish, chimps and mushy bees."

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