Friday Jokes

A man ia hot air balloon realised he was lost so he reduced altitude when he spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted down "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied,"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a senior rating in the Navy." said the balloonist.
"Iam" replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you've told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly you've not been much help at all, if anything you've delayed my trip with all your talk."
The man on the ground responded. "I take it you're an officer?"
"Iam," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep and you expect the people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you're in exactly the same position as you were in before we met but now, somehow, it's my bleedin' fault!"

Two little old ladies, Dorace & Jackie were sitting on a park bench outside the town hall where a flower show was in progress. The short one, Jackie, leaned over to Dorace and said. "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For £10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!"
"You're on!" said Dorace holding up the note.
So, Jackie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the door of the town hall.
Waiting outside, her friend could hear a commotion inside and then there was some cheering and then applause.
Eventually, the smiling Jackie emerged from the building surrounded by the cheering clapping crowd.
"What happened?" asked Dorace.
"Well," smiled Jackie, "I won £1000 as First Prize in the best DRIED arrangement section!"