Friday Jokes

Two Norfolk gals are at the market in Norwich. "Here Ethel look at these new lavatory brushes on this stall."
"Oh my," says Ethel, "let's get one each."
A few weeks later they're at the market and meet up again. "How're you gettin' on with that new lavatory brush?"
"I'm stickin' with it," says Ethel, "but the old man's gone back to using paper!"

Finding a woman sobbing that she's locked her keys in the car a passing soldier assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them in a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.
"That's so clever," the woman gasps "how did you do it?"
"Easy," says the soldier," these are my khaki's."

A doctor has an affiar with his nurse and shortly after she falls pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, the doctor pays for her to go to Italy to have the child. "How will I let you know when the baby's born?" she asks. He replies,"just send a postcard and write spaghetti on the back."
She takes the money and flies to Italy and the months pass by.
One day the doctors wife says, "A very strange postcard arrived today but I don't understand what it means."
"Let me see," says the doctor taking the card from her. He reads it and immediately falls to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rush him to the hospital where the consultant asks what might have caused it.
"Well," she says," I just gave him a postcard that said Spaghetti Spaghetti Spaghetti and Spaghetti. Two with meatballs and sausage two without!"

I need your advice. I suspect my wife of having an affair. She's been going out on a lot of girls night out things but when the taxi gets home she doesn't get out for at least thirty minutes. Last night I hid behind my BSA Lightning 650 Twin and waited. Up came the taxi and 30 minutes later she gets out with her clothes all over the place and her hair messed up. Then, my worst fears were confirmed. I looked down and saw it! A crack on the BSA's frame. What should I do? Should I use a mig or rod to repair it?