Friday Joke File 2nd November

Christmas Recipe - try Chicken & Popcorn this year.
Take 1 chicken, 1 cup melted butter, 1 cup of stuffing, 1 cup of uncooked popcorn and seasoning.
Preheat the oven to 200 degrees.
Brush the chicken with the melted butter and season.
Fill the cavity with the stuffing and popcorn mixture.
Place on baking tray with neck end to the back of the oven.
Wait.
When you hear the popping sound the chickens arse is about to blow the oven door off and the chicken should fly across the room and land on the table.
Serve when ready!

A man dies and after a while his wife manages to make contact with him.
"What's it like up there?"
He replies, "It's great. I eat, have sex and go swimming."
Puzzled, the woman says, "that's odd. When you were alive you didn't eat much, you didn't want sex too often and you couldn't swim!"
He replies, "Ah! But down there I wasn't a duck!"

When pilots fill out a form to report a defect the ground crews have to record how they put it right. Here's a few from the many sent in to Peter.
Mouse in cockpit - cat installed.
Something loose in cockpit - something tightened in cockpit.
Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick - that's what friction locks do.
Noise from under instrument panel sounds like midget with a hammer. - hammer removed from midget!