The Rogue Turkey in Josephines garden!

Regular online listener Josephine from Monterey California contacted the show with this plea:
Can any one of your listeners solve my problem please. As you see inthe attached photo, I have these wild turkey's that have invaded ourproperty. They "poop" all over the place. By the looks of the maleturkey with his feathers all spread out he is after every female turkeyhe can find!HELP!Regards,Josephine
Arnie of Smallburgh wrote:
You need a large free standing mirror, 3 strong elastic bands, a roll of gaffa tape, a box of wine (normally something that goes with turkey - like Chardonnay), a pack of sage and onion, a scouring pad or wire brush, a portable DVD player with a good long film, some pop corn, wrap of some kind (I have found bubble the best but cling is ok) and some suitable oil.
Here we go.
Set the mirror up and scatter some, but not all, of the pop corn and all of the sage and onion around about it.
This will attract the turkey and on seeing itself in the glass will think its a rival and attack itself again and again between eating sessions thus stuffing itself at the same time.
The object is to make it exhaust itself so you can pick it up and secure the beak and feet and thus render it harmless to do what you want with it.
In the meantime, and as this could take a few hours, you and your good looking assistant settle down to enjoy the wine and the remaining pop corns while watching the film.
And that's it.
You may ask about the oil, wrap,tape and wire brush.
Well, armed with a vivid imagination, an attractive assistant, who you have just taken to the pictures, wined and dined and who by now should now be merry and grateful who cares about the the turkey ???? !!!!
Hope this helps the lady in the States and give your listeners something to do during the long cold winter evenings.